Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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