The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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