Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
