News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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