I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
