She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
