He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
