party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
