Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
