Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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