so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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