You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
