You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
