Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
