You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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