Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
