ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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