no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
