I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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