I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
