After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
