I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
