At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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