thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
