I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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