she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
