we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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