i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
