So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
