My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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