Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
