do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
