Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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