Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
