walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
