just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
