How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
