vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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