Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
