That's intense
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
