either way he was missing a nipple.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
