Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
