I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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