I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize