can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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