If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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