period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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