Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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