She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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