My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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