We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
