She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
