we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drake has all the answers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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