i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
