She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
