Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
