i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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