I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
