Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
