drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
