I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
