Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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