Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
