apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
