drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
did i just pee glitter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
