Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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