i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
