The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
