video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize